Any blog post that starts off with a Reverend Horton Heat video as a quote, you know it’s going to be good. I almost didn’t use it because I have this weird old fashioned aversion to porn, but the women in it are so comically skanky I figure it doesn’t really count.
Let’s get this over with …
It is a testament to the total corruption and absolute lunacy of modern society that people need to be taught how to eat.
In the 6,000 to 2 million years humans have been on earth – depending on what you believe – not a single person went on a “diet,” as we currently know it, or needed to be taught how to eat until around the 19th century.
Strangely enough this is about the same time the industrial revolution began. If you think this is a coincidence, well, you’re not thinking good enough.
(I need you to think better if you’re going to be on my blog, ok? This is a safe space for really really smart people only. The good news is you HAD to be smart just to end up here. So the fact that you’re even reading this is a good sign.)
All right, you know what, I’m not going to keep you in suspense any longer. Here’s what every human being on the face of this earth should be eating in order to be healthy, happy, and sexy:
All the organic meat/eggs/fish and vegetables you want.
Occasional fruit (nature’s desert)
Some healthy fats found in select nuts, seeds and oils.
That is it, and that is all.
Anything more than that and you may as well challenge the angel of death to a scythe fight.
I have traveled to the bottom of the Rabbit Hole, and this is what I found … a bunch of really smart people eating steak and spinach and marveling at their blood work regularly.
Literally I should end this blog post right now. I’m tempted to. You now know everything you need to know. Limit your diet to that stuff, and you’ll lose weight faster than you ever thought possible. You’ll look like a normal human being in no time. You’ll feel like a normal human being in no time.
Were you hoping for something more profound? Fine I’ll give you something profound. Here’s the long version:
Actually … let me just answer every question and address every objection raging through your mind right now.
But first, a disclaimer from Albert Einstein:
If you are out to describe truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
“This doesn’t look anything like the government food pyramid at all. I only trust foods that fit in pyramids and are approved by the FDA.”
OK, here’s your new pyramid …
It’s not an FDA approved pyramid, but, like I always say, “F the FDA”. Freakin crooks.
Newsflash … the government food pyramid was not designed to make you healthy. It was created to make special interest groups wealthy. Follow the pyramid “diet” and you will die a slow painful death while handing over all your hard-earned wealth to the processed foods and pharmaceutical industry in the process.
The U.S. food guide was written by the processed foods industry. Our health guides are written by the pharmaceutical industry. Why do you think they serve Jell-O and TV dinners in hospitals? You seriously think the system wants you healthy?
If you’re ever trying to figure out if something is true or not, all you have to do is ask yourself, “Does the government say this is true?” If the answer is “yes” then you know it’s a lie. They are professional full-time liars. However corrupt you might think the government may be, times that by infinity and you may be getting close to the truth.
Read A Fatally Flawed Food Guide written by Luise Light Ed.D., a former U.S.D.A. nutritionist-turned-whistle-blower for more sordid details.
“What about bread? Bread is a staple. Jesus ate bread. Are you telling me you’re smarter than Jesus?”
Jesus ate bread … this is true. But for some reason he didn’t get celiac disease or gluten reactivity which 80% of the human race gets now. Was that because he was superman? No. It’s because the wheat was untainted by man-unkind.
Unfortunately for us, the bread he ate is no longer available to the human race. You see, our brilliant scientists started crossbreeding wheat in the 1950’s to produce new strains that would make hardier, shorter, better growing plants. This in effect served to genetically modify the world’s entire supply of wheat, thereby leaving the inventor of said crossbreeding process with a Nobel Peace Prize and the rest of us with f’d up guts.
Here’s a short list of genetically-altered-wheat-eating symptoms:
– Osteoporosis or osteopenia
– Tooth enamel defects
– Vitamin K deficiency
– Central and peripheral nervous system disease
– Dementia, and impairments in mental functioning that could cause or aggravate autism, Asperger’s syndrome, ADD or schizophrenia
– Dermatitis Herpetiformis (DH), a skin condition that causes intense itching and blistering
– Anemia of various types
– Infertility, and earlier menopause
– Organ disorders
– Weight loss or gain
Have any of those?
Read Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis for a full breakdown on this.
“I know white flour is bad. But whole grains are good for you. Why isn’t whole grains on your ridiculously short list of edible foods? Rice is a grain. Are you telling China to starve?”
First of all, there is not one single nutrient, fiber, mineral or vitamin in grains that are not also contained in meats, fish, fruits and vegetables in infinitely greater amounts. So we can start from the foundation that, even if grains were good for you, they’re not essential. Compared to meat, fish, fruits and vegetables, grains are extraordinarily poor sources of vitamins and minerals.
Second of all, grains contain lectins, phytates, and other anti-nutrients which do bad things to you.
Finally of all, grains spike your blood sugar and insulin. Just two slices of whole grain bread spike your blood sugar bigger and faster than a full tablespoon of processed table sugar.
Long story short, if you want dementia, ADHD, anxiety, chronic headaches, global inflammation, a muffin top and depression … keep eating grains.
And yes, China needs to stick to fish.
“Red meat is bad for you. It raises your cholesterol which causes heart disease.”
No, it’s not. And even if it did raise your cholesterol, what’s so bad about that? Oh wait, I forgot you’ve been brainwashed by the system. If everyone believes it, it must be true, right? I wonder who stands to profit from you believing high cholesterol is so bad for you. Hhmmm …
I’m not going to get into this here. If you have some weird psychological issues with cholesterol and want to resolve them without medication or even caring, watch the documentary Statin Nation. And if you’re taking statins? Well, I won’t give you medical advice, but … you’re wasting your money.
Here’s the trailer:
And again, I eat pure organic red meat every single day. I will refer you back to my blood work for my current cholesterol levels:
Red meat isn’t the enemy. Conventional red meat where the animals are cramped into a stall and fed a steady diet of genetically modified wheat, hormones and antibiotics is the enemy.
You have to unplug man. You gotta stop swallowing everything they tell you on TV. You have to start asking yourself “Why?” WHY are people saying this or that? Follow the trail. It almost always leads to money and corruption.
“Why can’t I eat beans?”
Because they make you fart. That’s your body saying, “I can’t digest this you moron. Stop putting these things in me or I will kill you and everyone else in the room.”
Admittedly they’re not the worst thing in the world for you, but they’re far from the best. And I only allow the best inside myself. lol. That should be the slogan of a condom commercial or something. [note to self: possibly take this comment out before final edit]
Without getting too technical they contain toxins and cause inflammation. They have some protein, but so what? You don’t need bean protein, unless of course …
“I’m a vegan. And I want to physically strangle you right now.”
That’s probably because you’re malnourished and fatigued. That tends to induce feelings of violence. A lot of famous mass murderers were vegans and vegetarians:
Pol Pot – vegan
Adolf Hitler – vegetarian
Charles Manson – vegan
Genghis Kahn – vegetarian
Van Der Graf – vegan
Anthony Robbins – vegetarian (he hasn’t killed anyone yet, but I’m keeping an eye on him)
The Antichrist – vegetarian
Cain, the world’s first murderer – vegetarian
I got that list from www.vegetariansareevil.com. I’m not even kidding. Really interesting site worth perusing for at least several hours.
A lot of terrorists are vegetarians too which I didn’t realize until Googling it just now. The British government literally puts you on a terrorist watch list if you request a vegetarian meal on a flight. I am not kidding. They also probably put you on a watch list if you google “are terrorists vegetarians?” So I may be screwed if I ever go to Britain.
Speaking of Cain, why did God like Abel’s animal sacrifice more than Cain’s vegetable sacrifice?
I will tell you.
Because God eats meat!
What … do you think he had the Jews sacrifice all those animals to him for no reason??? He was chowin’ down man! I also know he eats meat because he’s a man. And men eat meat. Period.
There are four types of vegans I want to address right now so get your indignation ready if you are one:
Animal Rights Vegans
While misguided, you bug me way less than people who do this for health reasons. I applaud your having a cause, but just be aware that you’re sacrificing your own health and life for those animals. If you think those cows and chickens are more valuable than you, that’s cool. But just make sure you’re conscious of the fact that that’s what you’re really saying by doing this.
“I’m worth less than a pig.” Maybe try saying that out loud a few times.
Same thing as the animal rights people, but you’re worth less than a tree.
I could prove this to you if I had the time, but you are being DUPED by the radical left. “Planet first” may be the dumbest phrase ever coined by the communists and filtered into mainstream consciousness I’ve ever heard.
Eating an organic burger from a local sustainable farm isn’t destroying the rain forest. Eating one from McDonalds may be, but not the ones I eat.
I like the environment too. But killing myself with tofu (a genetically modified soybean) isn’t the answer. Think a little deeper and don’t just swallow all the B.S. from Ted Talks. I revert back to what I said about the government; if they’re pushing the agenda …
Why is it that you have to supplement B12? I mean it’s an absolutely essential vitamin, and yet it’s only found in one place … animal meat. Isn’t that what’s called “a clue”?
Did you know that B6 from plant foods alone isn’t absorbed the same way it is from animal foods?
Get a full vitamin/mineral/amino acid deficiency blood panel done. It’s not cheap. The results of that should be enough to shock you back to normalcy (unless of course you’re not actually doing this for health reasons but rather from a lack of purpose in your life).
Or I’ll just save you the money and tell you in advance what it will say. Let me take a big deep breath …
– You’re probably low in ferritin, a critical iron transportation protein
– Your WBCs and RBCs either are or will become low
– You’ll have elevated homocysteine if you don’t already
– Your plasma amino acids will be tanked
– Your taurine will be crazy low
– Your carnitine is or will become clinically deficient
– Your glucose will be high if you’ve been vegan any length of time
– Your HA1C will be increased (which increases the risk for diabetes)
– Your thyroid is or will become sluggish
– Omega 3s EPA and DHA will typically be low because you need a certain amino acid only found in animal meat to convert it
– And to top it off your insulin will probably be jacked. Which is why you have that belly fat more than likely.
I could tell you how I know all that, but then I’d have to kill you.
By the way, this what your belly should look like if you’re eating right …
Now, you can say, “none of what you’re saying is true,” (except for my abs – those are undeniable), but unless you put your big boy pants on and go get that blood work?? You. Are. SPECULATING! I don’t care how much you’ve studied, how many documentaries you’ve watched, who agrees with you, how passionately you believe whatever crazy thing it is you believe, what your gut feeling and instincts are telling you, or any other thing. All that matters is what does your body say?
A person can say, “my car runs just fine” all they want. But unless they take it in for a diagnostic test and a “once over?” They might just find themselves stranded on the side of the road one day with a blown transmission.
Here’s the test so you can go prove me right and give yourself a few extra years on earth …
You’ll need a referral from a participating doctor. You can find one here …
You can also try www.gdx.net as well. I’ve used both.
Side Note: Why do vegans call themselves vegans? Why aren’t they just human beings who happen to eat a vegan diet? Notice the weird identity thing?
And why are they always preaching and trying to convert people to their way of thinking and getting angry when they read things like this blog post? You could write a whole book about the evils of meat eaters and it wouldn’t affect me in the least. I’d laugh as long as you were being as funny as I am in this article. That’s probably not possible, but I’d still laugh just because I could care less what anyone says about my food. I’m not my food.
Let’s think here … why would someone identify with their food and neurotically try to talk people into joining them on their crusade … unless they’re worshipping it?
By God I believe we’re on to something here.
You’ll notice this is unique to vegans and vegetarians, which suggests propaganda when you really break it all the way down (which I’m compelled to do with any and all things apparently).
For example, I eat meat, but I don’t go around saying, “I’m a meat eater” or “I’m a meatatarian.” No, “I’m Preston Ely. I’m a child of God and much too important to identify with something as commonplace as food. I have bigger fish to fry. And eat.” : )
I’m not going to say anything myself here. I’ll just let the bible speak for itself:
“Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.”
– Genesis 9:3
I could just stop there. God just basically commanded you to eat meat. Lol. What more is there to talk about?
“One person has faith that he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats vegetables only.”
– Romans 14:2
“Get up, Peter. Kill, and eat.”
– Acts 10:13
“Do you have anything here to eat? They gave him [Jesus] a piece of broiled fish, and he ate it in their presence.”
– Mark 16:41-43
Jesus was not a vegan. He obeyed strict Jewish dietary law, which included A LOT of meat (even more so after he changed the laws allowing the consumption of all animals).
Strap on your WWJD bracelet and let’s follow the Master shall we?
Moving right along …
“Raw, organic, cultured dairy is good for you. Jordan Rubin said so.”
Jordan Rubin is selling you something. A lot of something’s actually. His supplement company, Garden of Life, was recently purchased for $35 million with yearly sales over $50 million.
Bottom line … 97% of the human race is allergic to dairy. Period. That’s not speculation. That’s the results of a private study done analyzing the allergy tests of around 10,000 people.
The first step in the direction of health and homeostasis is always an advanced food allergy test. The second step is to simply stop eating whatever your body is telling you it hates. You would think more doctors would be telling people this.
The word allergy comes from the Greek word meaning altered energy. Allergies can cause the body to malfunction, inhibit healing, and prevent nutrient absorption.
Positive you’re not allergic to anything? So was I. So was my wife. So is everyone.
See if you have any of these common food-allergy symptoms:
Do this test … http://www.alcat.com/landing/allergy-testing-landing.html or this one …
I think you need a doctor’s referral for both if I’m not mistaken. Lists of participating doctors should be on their sites.
“You accidentally left out Coca Cola, ice cream, pizza, Snicker’s bars, pop corn, coffee, Sweet-n-Low, table salt and like a hundred other essential foods. This is AMERICUH. Home of the Ding Dong and land of the Twinkie, son. Don’t go pushin no European propagandy on us ya hear?”
I’m not sure how you made it on this blog, but you’re not quite ready for it yet. Come back in a few years.
By the way, for everyone else’s edification, coffee is horrible for you. Switch to espresso. Better for your digestive system and less caffeine. People in Italy drink 12 espressos a day and drive Ferraris.
“I’ve tried something similar to the diet you’re proposing, but it’s too expensive.”
Touche. It is indeed the most expensive diet on the planet. Start with baby steps. Do conventional meats and veggies. Even if its chicken backs every meal. Do what you have to do. Just cut out the dairy, gluten, and processed sugar – that’s the most important thing.
Try local CSA’s (Community Supported Agriculture) and local farms to find cheap organic meat and produce.
Grow as much of your own vegetables as you can. I do.
Use this as an incentive to go out there and get some dang money man. It’s not rocket science. But it takes courage and WORK. I know plenty of very average people of average means eating strict organic diets. You can do it. But you gotta believe you can do it.
Ok, blog post over. For a more detailed explanation on the extraordinarily uncomplicated meat/vegetables/healthy fats eating plan buy this book … http://www.amazon.com/The-Paleo-Diet-Revised-Designed/dp/0470913029.
Here are some highlights from the book and personal inside tips before I abandon you:
– don’t eat anything genetically modified (mainly corn and soy) or you’ll go insane and die young. See proof HERE.
– don’t eat processed foods or you’ll go insane and die young. Proof: turn on the news or just start paying attention in general
– don’t use table sugar or table salt (pink Himalayan rock salt is best). Stop needing things to be so tasty in general. Retrain your taste buds to their natural state. Eat to live, not the other way around.
– eat fast food if you hate yourself
– your body wants 10-12 servings of vegetables a day. One of those can be fruit. Juicing, protein shakes and green smoothies make this easy.
– order all your steaks from this company … https://www.blackdiamondmeats.com/. Best steaks you’ve ever had in your life.
– order all your non-gmo-corn-fed free range chicken from this company … http://www.grasslandbeef.com/. This is one of two places on earth you can get chicken that was NOT fed genetically modified corn. You are what your chicken eats. Ever heard that saying? It’s new.
– this is the best fish oil on earth: http://www.naturalhealthyconcepts.com/eskimo-3-IT225-p-tyler.html?gclid=CIqPzMHg5b0CFWuhOgodQGcABA
– these are the two multi vitamins I take: Propax and K Pax Pro
– I take every single supplement on this site besides maybe one (calcium): http://www.pastoreformulations.com/
They are the best in the world. No question.
“But Preston, can’t you get all the nutrients you need from the food you eat?” Sure. But that’s like saying I should limit my racing car’s fuel to gasoline when my competitors are using gas + nitrous. I don’t use supplements as supplements. I use them as turbo chargers. For example, the green/white tea pills on the pastoreformulations site is the antioxidant equivalent of drinking 24 cups of green tea and 6 cups of white tea. So drink tea if you want, but I’m on a spaceship compared to you. I don’t have time to sip things.
– I’ll bet you a thousand dollars you’re deficient in magnesium. Take 3 of these in the morning and three at night:
– this is the best protein powder on the market: http://www.truenutrition.com/p-6134-paleopro-paleo-protein-powder-1lb.aspx
– this is the best greens powder on the market: http://www.nano-greens.com/items/nanogreens.php
(sorry, Green Vibrance, but … you suck)
– don’t buy any supplement or product that contains ingredients from China. It’s the filthiest country on the planet (hence my ugly divorce with Green Vibrance)
– don’t use any almond or coconut milk with the ingredient carrageenan in it. Unless you like cancer. By the way that limits you to NO coconut milk (unless you make it yourself) and maybe one or two sketchy brands of almond milk. Me personally, I stick with water for my shakes and smoothies.
– Glass bottled Mountain Valley in currently the only water I trust. I drink it like water.
– www.poweronpoweroff.com will transform your life. It’s like Adderall and Ambien except healthy for you and you don’t have to pay a doctor off to get to it. I could not live without Power Off.
– These are the best amino acids in all five dimensions of existence. No one in their right mind will ever dispute this: http://www.masteraminoacidpattern.com/. I take eight pills 30 minutes before working out and another eight later in the day 30 minutes before a meal.
– Take CoQ10 from Pure Encapsulations no matter what your blood work says. Trust me.
– My new favorite supplement: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Origins-Lyc-O-Mato-Clinical-softgels/dp/B000FLLRHE It’s the equivalent of eating like a thousand tomatoes in one pill. I hate tomatoes. This was like Christmas discovering this.
Alright, that’s it. I’m done with you. Wanna argue with me? Do it in a comment below.
If you smiled one single time during this article you owe me a Facebook share and Tweet. Do it now.
Be healthy … get wealthy!